How awareness, everyday choices and deliberate practice shape our wellbeing.
I've spent a considerable amount of time over the past 10–15 years examining how I think, feel, react and behave. And I can assure you, it's been a target-rich environment. Still is, actually. I'm beginning to suspect the supply is inexhaustible.
(Apparently, the personal development department has a lifetime supply of material and absolutely no prospect of redundancy)
And one thing continues to surprise me.
Just how quickly the conditioning of my past can reappear.
I can spend years cultivating patience, kindness and emotional steadiness, only to have something utterly inconsequential trigger an old, familiar reaction.
Impatience. Frustration. Judgement. Defensiveness.
One of my more accomplished behaviours was passive aggression, frequently disguised as sarcastic humour. I became rather good at it. Unfortunately, being good at something doesn't necessarily make it a virtue.
That particular commentator hasn't entirely retired.
But something important has changed. I'm increasingly able to recognise him.
I'd Been Practising All Along
Looking back, I can see how years of repeated reactions shaped my behaviour and wellbeing.
At the time, I wasn't particularly aware of it. I was too busy reacting to life and trying to cope with the consequences.
Alcohol, drugs, poor sleep, constantly moving, running away. Much of it was an attempt to escape uncomfortable thoughts, emotions and circumstances.
But the very things I was doing to feel better frequently, scratch that, mostlymade me feel worse.
I'd been practising all my life. I just hadn't realised what I was practising, or how profoundly it was shaping my experience of life.
Then one day, I experienced what I can only describe as an epiphany.
I remember saying to myself:
"Hang on. Do you mean I can actually choose whether to react or respond?"
Ridiculously obvious, I know. But the realisation struck me like lightning.
I'd spent years treating my reactions as inevitable. Something happened, I felt something, and off I went.
Suddenly, I recognised another possibility.
And that prompted a question that continues to profoundly influence how I live to this day.
If I want to become more capable of responding rather than reacting, what do I need to cultivate within myself?
For me, the answer increasingly came back to vitality.
Physical, mental and emotional energy.
I recognised how much harder patience became when exhausted, how easily frustration surfaced when stressed, and how my everyday wellbeing influenced my capacity to respond thoughtfully.
That initial realisation about choosing my responses gradually extended into other areas of my life.
How I cared for myself. How I slept, ate, moved, recovered and managed stress.
These weren't simply health considerations. They were helping create the conditions in which I could practise the qualities I valued.
Training and Practice
I've come to see training and practice as deeply interconnected.
Training deliberately develops my physical, mental and emotional capacities.
Practice brings those capacities into everyday life.
I might train my attention through meditation, but practise awareness during an uncomfortable conversation.
I might contemplate patience in the morning, only to discover how much more practice I need later that day.
Training develops my resources. Practice brings them into my life. Reality reveals what still needs attention.
And there's rarely a shortage of material.
Open-Mindedness and Open-Heartedness
I've come to group the qualities I aspire to cultivate under two headings.
Open-mindedness: curiosity, impartiality, self-awareness and a willingness to question my assumptions.
Open-heartedness: kindness, patience, tolerance, generosity and compassion.
I don't expect to perfect these qualities. I simply want them to become increasingly natural responses, particularly when life becomes challenging.
I'm not trying to erase my conditioning. I'm learning to recognise it without automatically acting upon it.
Sometimes I can even smile when an old reaction appears.
Welcome back, old friend.
But I don't necessarily have to invite him to take over.
The Choices That Follow
I've come to appreciate that my everyday mental wellbeing isn't simply a consequence of how I live. It's also one of the greatest influences on how I choose to live.
I've experienced stressful days followed by too much alcohol, poor food choices, withdrawing from conversations or taking frustrations out on people who had nothing to do with them.
I've known these patterns rather well. Which may help explain why I currently live alone. The houseplants seem reasonably content, though.
These behaviours might provide temporary relief, but frequently left me less equipped for tomorrow.
Poorer sleep. Less energy. More stress. Strained relationships.
I'd compound my discomfort through the very choices I'd made to escape it.
Over time, I've also experienced the reverse.
When I'm better rested, physically active and more aware of my emotional state, I'm generally better equipped to respond thoughtfully.
And those responses can influence the choices that follow, creating more favourable conditions for my health, relationships and everyday wellbeing.
My thoughts, emotions, physical health and behaviours aren't separate projects. They continually influence one another.
The Benefits Extend Beyond Me
Understanding my own conditioning has also changed how I view others.
When someone behaves impatiently or defensively, I can recognise that I'm capable of precisely the same behaviour.
That doesn't excuse poor conduct, but it invites curiosity rather than immediate judgement.
And the benefits extend beyond me.
My family, friends, clients and others experience the consequences of how I conduct myself.
I'd like to think my actions occasionally demonstrate what's possible, particularly when navigating frustration, uncertainty, injury, loss or adversity.
Not through preaching or pretending to have everything worked out.
Sometimes simply through admitting I'm struggling.
How I live reveals what I'm practising.
The Practice Is the Lifestyle
This is increasingly how I understand Ageing Powerfully.
A lifelong practice of cultivating the physical, mental and emotional resources to live more deliberately, respond more skilfully and engage more fully with life.
Not to arrive at some permanent state of calm or happiness, but to develop a healthier relationship with my experience of being alive.
Some days I practise beautifully. Other days, my conditioning reminds me I'm still very much human.
What matters to me is my willingness to remain aware, learn, adapt and return. And I've come to appreciate just how profoundly that willingness, and my capacity to act upon it, are influenced by my physical, mental and emotional vitality.
The better I care for myself, the better equipped I am to practise the qualities I aspire to embody.
I don't start again every time I fall short. I continue.
The quality of my life is influenced not only by what happens to me, but by the relationship I cultivate with what happens—and the choices that follow.
I'm not practising so that one day I can finally begin living well.
The way I live is the practice. And the practice, increasingly, is how I flourish.
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Until next time - Think. Choose. Thrive
Luke